Thursday, February 2, 2012

It is strangely quiet around here

And by "around here" I mean in my brain.
All of a sudden things have sounded different and I coudn't quite put my finger on it.

I have had moments in the last month that felt like I could hear the clock ticking and time was slower than ever, but in a good way. Peaceful. Then, something would happen and the world was rushing by in fast forward, all adrenaline and smiling and zoom. Then, back to crickets.

It feels like I am shedding a shell that has weighed me down and hidden me. It feels like a calm before a tornado - but a tornado of goodness; puzzle pieces finding their places.

Then I realized.

The sound of the swirl of the whirlpool is gone. The sound of the rush of the rip tide, the rush of chemicals when you are covered with fear - are gone. The critical voice telling me that everything is ruined has become a little jumping bug at my feet, unable to reach me. I know she will grow sometimes and I will not try to step on her. I will love her, but remember she is not so smart.

Wow, it is so quiet without the fear.

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